Diary of a Working Mom

I went to bed last night thinking about some important work to be done in office today, but the wake-up call came with the warm body of my little daughter sleeping next to me. As I realize that she is unwell and will need me by her side for the day, several thoughts start crossing my mind on how I could be with the little one and at the same time get the work waiting for me done.

With several phone calls and hours spent on the laptop, I do manage to get the work done while attending to my daughter and making a visit to the doctor in parallel. While I somehow managed to juggle both responsibilities, it wasn’t without going through the guilt of not being able to give my 100% to my work and also of not being able to give 100% of the time to the little one.

Though this sounds like a one-off instance, a working mom goes through such juggling day in and day out. Sometimes there is a work meeting which clashes with an open house in school, or there is a day when your little one wants you to stay back, just because she wants to.

And these situations are not necessarily forced but often out of choice; for instance, we ourselves want to be present on every important occasion in school, or be involved in their home-work and other activities, or be with them when they are unwell though there may be a family member available to attend to the same.

There are some women who decide one way or the other in the very beginning and either give up work for family responsibilties or refrain from motherhood in order to focus on their careers but there are a vast majority of us who are playing the balancing act every day. And while we do make a decision to choose one over the other depending on the situation, it is often laden with guilt for what was sacrificed.

But when I sit back and think today, I realize that instead of feeling guilty about what was not done as expected, shouldn’t we be happy with ourselves for being able to manage both ends successfully? For WE made this choice of balancing between both worlds whether it was for a financial need or otherwise; And WE try our best to be available to our kids when they need and on every important occasion in their life; WE make our best effort to ensure that time spent with kids is quality time; WE often give up opportunities at work and take a back seat in our careers so we can balance our family lives with it; And yes, WE do contribute our bit to the family finances as well.  

Also what we don’t realize is that in this process we also maintain our individuality and in turn also set an example for our kids. So we are teaching our daughters to grow to be independent, and teaching our sons to respect individuality of women as they grow.

Hey, we’re doing a good job after all! So let’s enjoy this journey and continue to deal with each day as it comes!!

Digi-Parenting, my way

I am on the phone talking to an aunt of mine and my little daughter is trying to draw my attention in every possible way. As my aunt at the other end is curious to know what is it that the little one wants, I reveal to her surprise and amusement that the kid, barely 2 years of age is after me because she wants to use the iPad. While women of her age are still struggling to deal with technology and can barely use few basic functions of their smart phones, it seems like child’s play for a 2 year old. But that’s the way it is. While my elder daughter (who is now close to 5 years of age) was exposed to smart phones and tablets while she was about 3, the little one had them available much earlier.

From my experience I see that kids today don’t need to be trained on technology. They only observe you at it and they have pretty much grasped it. And that’s where the risk lies!

And while it may be difficult for kids to sit with you and concentrate when you are playing a game with them or reading a book, they can sit for hours together with your mobile or tablet without even making their presence felt in the room.

And boy, addictive it is! Don’t we ourselves keep checking our phones every few minutes even when there is really no need for it? Are we not addicted to a Candy Crush Saga or a Temple Run? When we like mature adults cannot stay away from gadgets, isn’t it a lot to expect so much restraint from kids so young?

Today a lot of schools too have incorporated tablets and various other digital aids in their teaching methodology.

So is this exposure to technology acceptable? Well, yes in my opinion, as long as we as parents are aware of and are able to control what, how and how much they are exposed to.

While I am still not exposed to some of the challenges faced by parents of much older kids; yes, there are things I have been alert on and want to continue to be as my kids grow. And how do I deal with it? Few simple ways which me and my husband have come to use: 

•  Limit their usage of the gadgets. My kids have been made to understand that they can use these gadgets only once in a while (usually weekends) and that too when either mommy or daddy hands it over to them. They are also kept out of their reach so this is strictly followed.

•  Instead of fretting over their exposure to technology, we use it to their advantage. We know that technology gives us access to a host of different educational and activity based games all of which may not be as readily available otherwise. We download the selected ones for them, appropriate to their age. This satisfies their curiosity about the gadget and also gives them some learning.

• When the kids are using the iPad, we keep the internet connection turned off so that they do not accidentally click on a link and reach any unwanted pages. While they are allowed to watch YouTube once in a while, the content is monitored by elders.

•  Most important, when with the kids, we try and keep our phones away and engage them with physical games, toys and books.

This has worked well so far and as the kids grow and get more exposed to newer aspects of the digital world, I am sure we too will unearth newer ways of safeguarding them from its ill-effects.

Exposure to technology is inevitable. So let’s make it a part of life, without letting it be larger than life.

This post is written as part of the Women’s Web – eKavach ‘This Digi-Parenting Life!’ campaign.